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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Self - Acceptance

Accepting oneself can be difficult. It was for me, at least, when I got clean. All those years, I changed who I was in the blink of an eye just to attempt to be accepted by a certain group, a certain person, or perhaps, even worse - a certain girl. And, all those years, I used drugs to mask who I really was. I am a smart person, so I wanted to make bad grades in school. I had a distorted image of what "cool" really was. I thought that you were cool if you did drugs, smoked cigarettes, ran from the cops all the time, were in gangs, got in fights everywhere you went, etc. That was an issue for me, because, it seemed, that no matter how hard I tried to fit that criteria, I never fully did. I always felt like the odd one out. Until, I found the drugs. Then, I felt as if I could do anything, I could be anyone. For once, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I loved it. For a short time. Then, inevitably, a time came when I wanted to quit using drugs and I couldn't. Then, even when it was staring me in the face, I could not accept myself for who I was. An addict. But today, I am proud to be an addict. A clean addict. I have finally learned to accept myself for who I am, and enjoy life on life's terms. It is a blessing.

- A.Y.

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