Decisions, Decisions, and More Decisions

Well it's been a while since I posted to my blog, but I think it's about time I got back on it. So, I met this girl, she's awesome, and I think I am legitely falling in love with this girl. She is different than any other girl I've ever met, and its incredible how perfect it feels. And I feel like I may have messed it up today, I kinda jumped the gun on a big thing. I feel so damn stupid over it, I mean bang-your-head-against-a-wall stupid, and I don't even know what I was thinking. But, in the larger scope of things, I want to be with this girl. Long-term. And there's not a doubt in my mind that it would work, that is if I can physically make it work. The chemistry is extraordinary, but she does live 45 minutes away, and my dad is pretty well broke. I feel compelled, however, to make it work, by any means necessary. So that's one side of the coin, the other is the possiblity of the Navy. I liked the sound of it for a while, but now, all things considered, I don't think now is the time. Every summer, as far back as I can remember I have been tied down by something, been in trouble, strung out on some drug, something. And now, I'm free from all that. No trouble, no active addiction, this is my first real free summer, and I feel like I've finally stopped existing and began to live. I don't want to turn right around and throw it all away by joining the military. I want to have fun, I want to go to the lake with my friends, go to concerts, go on real dates with a certain special somebody ;), I want to LIVE. With all that said, it may seem like its not a hard decision for me to make, but there's another thing that should be said. My living situation. I live in a HIGH stress environment with little to no freedom, and a lot of anger and hostility, and a very loud volume setting. It's very difficult for me to handle sometimes, but I have nowhere else I can turn, and thats where the Navy comes in the first place. I have without a doubt changed my opinion in going in the military but my dads so happy about it, and for the first time in so long, I've gone this far without disappointing him, I'm scared of how he's going to feel, should I choose to stay... I know that, in the end, the best thing to do is what makes my the happiest, but I'm so worried about what my future would be like if I stayed living where I am. I guess that's enough said. That's what's on my mind.